i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize