i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
