Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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