Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
