I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
