I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
