This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
