how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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