I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
50% drunk capacity currently
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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