Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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