why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
