My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
