A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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