I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
