A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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