I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
