All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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