I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
