Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What drink are we having for lunch?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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