I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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