Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize