a queef is a wish your heart makes.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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