Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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