Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I puked a lego.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
