In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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