How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
These tits shall not be calmed
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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