Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
