ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We need to rekindle our bromance
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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