I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
