Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
