in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
