Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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