I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
