let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
