are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
