saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize