You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
