I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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