Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
