I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize