It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
