the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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