The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
