I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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