dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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