Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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