Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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