Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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