i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
