grandma shit on top of the toilet
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
