4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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