She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
