i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
