Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
