did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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