mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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