Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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