I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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