LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
