is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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