well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
my liver is dry heaving
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
