...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
