WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Is it penis luge time yet?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
