If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
