i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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