it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
