I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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