hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
