Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
