Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
