Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
