I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
