I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
