If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
