HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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