erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
