It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
